Fox News: Let’s Get Some White Christian Homeschooling Immigrants Up in Here Instead of All These Poor Brown Losers

Every time I think I’ve seen the most intellectually bankrupt excrement Fox News has to offer, they surprise me again. It appears that the universe (Obama) has once again revealed itself to be a cold, unfeeling, unchristian (Obama) place, as an adorable family of (white) Germans who only wish to nurture their quiver as they deem fit (teach creationism) are being cruelly ejected from this land of religious (Christian) freedom by the US Supreme Court (Obama). Peer into the void, dear readers, if you can, and witness the sorrow of these good people:

Uwe and Hannelore Romeike came to the United States in 2008 seeking political asylum. They fled their German homeland in the face of religious persecution for homeschooling their children.

They wanted to live in a country where they could raise their children in accordance with their Christian beliefs.

The Romeikes were initially given asylum, but the Obama administration objected – claiming that German laws that outlaw homeschooling do not constitute persecution.

On Monday, the Supreme Court declined to hear the Romeike’s appeal – paving the way for the Christian family of eight to be deported.

What does Obama have to do with this? Is it reasonable to refer to the Supreme Court as part of the “administration”? Most of my civic knowledge comes from Schoolhouse Rock, but from what I remember new Presidents don’t show up in January with a van packed with their own personal Supreme Court justices. (Right?) But wait–the histrionics get cranked up to eleven:

“I think this is a part of the Obama administration’s overall campaign to crush religious freedom in this country,” said Michael Farris, chairman of the Home School Legal Defense Association. His organization is representing family.

“The Obama administration’s attitude toward religious freedom, particularly religious freedom for Christians is shocking,” he told me in an exclusive telephone interview. “I have little doubt that if this family had been of some other faith that the decision would have never been appealed in the first place. They would have let this family stay.”

I must have totally missed the part where Obama says..well, anything about this case…but specifically anything about banning homeschooling in the US. Where is that part? How does this decision affect religious freedom in the US? How does it even undermine Christian-bloody-privilege in the US? The decision says nothing except that the German law does not qualify this family to apply for asylum under US law.

You know what? I have a friend who used to work with victims of torture, helping them seek asylum in the US. Like, real torture, the kind where sanctioned government agents disappear you and pull out your fingernails. That’s what those laws are for. Not people who want to skip immigration steps by claiming they’re being persecuted when really they just don’t want to live under certain German laws anymore. We aren’t sending these people back to rot in a dungeon with this decision–which is in fact what happens to some people who are denied asylum. This family can immigrate legally like anyone else; they just can’t skip steps using laws that are designed to help people who are in immediate danger where they are.

Had the family stayed in Germany, where homeschooling is illegal, they would have faced the prospect of losing their children. Like the Pilgrims, they fled their homeland yearning for a place where they could be free.

First of all, barf. Fuck the Pilgrims. Second, is it illegal in Germany for ANYONE to home school, or just Christians? Because if it’s a law that applies to everyone…how is that persecution of Christians? (Supreme Court: It is not.)

There are nearly 12 million illegal immigrants living in the United States. You’d think the Obama administration could find a place eight immigrants who want to live here legally.

Oh ho! And Mr. Starnes finally shows his hand. Let’s not even deal with what a ridiculous argument this is as an argument and just ask this: If living in squalor with no hope of employment doesn’t count as persecution, and (brown) people who come here illegally and work MUST BE ERADICATED, as so many conservatives who read Fox News assert with all possible vehemence, how the fuck do you justify this embarrassingly maudlin oh-the-humanity plea for a family of (white) people who look perfectly well fed but are upset that they have to let their kids learn about science in school? The hypocrisy, the irony, the ignorance…I mean, does Starnes know how many (mostly brown) immigrants the hated Obama Administration has deported?

Farris said the Supreme Court’s decision not to hear the case sends a chilling message to Americans who currently home school their children.

“This administration thinks it’s a privilege to home school – not a right,” he told me. “We’d better buckle down and be ready to fight them every step of the way.”

I suppose the message would be chilling to Americans who home school…IN GERMANY. (The hell is this guy even talking about, for real?)

Last year, I interviewed 15-year-old Daniel Romeike, a soft-spoken boy with aspirations of one day becoming a mechanical engineer. He told me he was afraid of what might happen if the family was deported. He feared being taken from his parents and placed in government custody.

“If I had a chance to talk to President Obama, I would ask him to let us stay in this great country of freedom and opportunity,” Daniel told me.

Well, shit, is that all it takes? Damn Mexicans been doing it all wrong!

The end is the best part. Oh, you can’t make this stuff up:

Please, Mr. President, have mercy on this Christian family. They came to our shores longing to be free. They left their homeland to escape religious persecution. Please, sir. Welcome them to our land with open arms. Bestow upon them a small measure of grace so they might be able to raise their children in the land of the free, the home of the brave.

Please spare these dear souls.

Mercy! Have mercy, he says! These poor, poor souls who just want to raise their children in a place where they are safe and fed and unpersecuted. Oh, my aching sides. Will this now be our standard for immigration decisions for everyone? MERCY? Or just for these (white) (Christian) “souls” who are persecuted by something our country doesn’t have the courage to enforce, namely limits on how much parents are allowed to hamstring their children’s educations in the name of “religious freedom.”


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DrShell is an Associate Professor of English at a small liberal arts college. She teaches world literature, composition, popular culture, and speculative fiction and serves as faculty sponsor for the Secular Student Alliance. DrShell lives in tame suburbia with her husband and son and a pack of rescued pets, where she spends a lot of time running, taking Body Pump classes, and thinking about getting another tattoo.


  1. March 4, 2014 at 5:08 pm —

    When I saw them quoting someone from HSLDA, I almost threw up.

  2. March 4, 2014 at 5:46 pm —

    I know. It’s all so obnoxious. I usually plan these blog posts several days in advance, but I read the article while eating my Multigrain Cheerios this morning and banged out this post before I left for work. It would have festered if I’d let it go any longer.

  3. March 5, 2014 at 10:53 am —

    DrShell, I think I love you. Great joy reading this article.

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